Little Women

I’ve always been a planner. I’ve always known what I wanted and set a course to achieve it. And, then life happened.

In Sr. Leonette’s 5^th grade class—who by the way was the meanest, most intimidating nun I’ve ever met—we were asked to stand up in front of the class and espouse our hopes and dreams for the future. A determined young lady, I confidently stood up and proclaimed that I was either going to be the first woman supreme course justice (there wasn’t one at the time) or the first woman of the United States (there still isn’t one…so I still have a shot). I had BIG dreams. An Ivy League law degree, followed by a famous successful career. Sr. Leonette of course scoffed at my ambitions, said a couple derogatory comments about my family that she had schooled for years and sent a foolish girl to her seat. Instead of being crushed, I took the John Locke approach…“don’t tell me what I can’t do!!!” and set a course for my life to achieve greatness.

I did go on to college at the University of Dayton, certainly not at an ivy league school, and proudly registered my first day as an English Major and a pre-law student. And, then towards the end of my freshman year found myself pregnant. Not in the plan. Of course, my family, who was so proud of my determination and shared my hopes and dreams, freaked-out! But again, the “don’t tell me what I can’t do” mantra kicked-in. I moved home to Cleveland, enrolled at John Carroll University and married (in that order). It was just a bump in the road but I was still on the right course. I went to school until I was 9 months pregnant, took the winter semester off to have my baby and returned that fall to finish my degree and graduate top of my class.

As I approached graduation with hopes still to go to law school, I was invited to pursue the opportunity to complete my master’s degree in English as a graduate teaching assistant. Free tuition and a stipend to boot! After years of living in poverty, the chance to earn a paycheck was enticing; So I took it. Plus, I thought having a teaching assistantship and master’s degree would only increase my chances at a scholarship to law school.

So instead, here is what happened. I finished grad school (the BEST two years of my life!) . But, in the end, the demands of motherhood, my failing marriage and the desire to make a home for my daughter (i.e. buying a home) put my dreams on hold. So instead of pursing a law degree I made the choice to begin working. At the time, I thought, okay another bump in the road. I’m young, I’ll be 38 when Meg goes off to college. There is still plenty of time.

Now I’m 41. Meg is in her 3^rd year of college and I have yet to pursue my dreams. What am I waiting for? Well, as life would have it, I have pretty good career in non-profit and as an event planner (all that partying actually paid off!) and a handicapped husband who demands much of my time. But, these are the choices I’ve made. And I love my life—although I always wonder….

Obviously, as an English major, reading always has been and always will be my passion. One of my favorite books is Little Women. Of course my favorite character is the determined, writer, Jo. But, my daughter is named after the sister Meg because I thought it was the most beautiful name for a girl.

I recently watched the movie with Wiona Ryder. One of my favorite scenes is when Jo takes on a group of young men in the boarding house arguing about why women should be allowed the privilege to vote (yes there was a time when women couldn’t vote!) and she was told “you should have been a lawyer”. Her response “I should have been a great many things.”

That sentiment resonates with me. I should have been a great many things. But, what I am is pretty darn good! And there is still time. Right?